A couple of years ago, my daughter went off to college. Everything seemed normal. She had a great apartment, got in to the school of her choice, her sweet boyfriend was in the area with her... To my disbelief I watched as a darkness crept in. It was so hard to watch. I was in Vidalia and she was 3.5hrs away. I prayed, I cried and called her everyday. We prayed on the phone. We cried together. She wanted to feel better. She wasn't getting in trouble, she wasn't doing anything... anything. Class was all she could muster. I talked and begged until I was blue in the face. She was hardly able to get up out of bed. She was depressed and anxiety took her over. I am a fixer..I wanted it fixed now!! I called family, I called churches, I found a counselor, I did everything I knew to do. Then, I surrendered.
Moms, I tell you this to say that fully trusting God with my daughter was something I said, but something I didn't do. I was wearing myself out trying to fix a problem that wasn't mine to fix. God knew what He was doing.
I remember the night I begged God because He was directing me to surrender her to Him. I had ifs and buts galore. In the end, I had to trust He loved her more than I loved her.
Addison had received the gift of salvation the Spring before her college year. It was the real deal. I watched those moments with pure joy. Believers deal with sadness and depression and anxiety too. And for Addie, I really think it was more confusion for her because she did love the Lord. So, she didn't understand why she wasn't full of unending joy. She continued to attend church, pray and read ...then CJ and a group took her to Passion.
She called me after she attended Passion last January. I could hear the change in her voice. Francis Chan spoke and she said it was like God was speaking directly to her. Like the whole crowd disappeared and she was the only one there. God reminded her that His love for her as her Father never changed. He loved her and that she was His.
God started working. Well, He was always working. He needed me to get out of His way. He started opening up parts of my daughter's heart and mind in amazing ways.
It wasn't easy.. I was heartsick everyday until she called me with that sweet joyful voice! My girl is a new creature!!!
This Mama's heart is running around saying, "Won't He do it?!?" He is so faithful!!! We can trust Him with our most valuable things, because they really aren't ours, they are His.
The best thing I did for her? I prayed. I let go. I trusted God.
I didn't do anything.. God did it all.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!